


tell her you love her too

by ladyknope



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:12:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyknope/pseuds/ladyknope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Childhood/Best Friend AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	tell her you love her too

16 years old

When it happens, Ben doesn’t really think about it as much as he leans into the forces of the universe that brought him here.

If Ben was looking at his life from the outside, saw it as a whole instead of in pieces as he lived it, it would’ve been obvious. Where he is now would seem inevitable.

But living his life- as the middle child, the son of divorced parents, crushing it at Model UN, a resident of Pawnee, Indiana- is enough of a distraction to keep him oblivious to the fact that he is slowly, unexpectedly falling in love with his best friend.

Or fell, actually.

Because now he knows it as fact, even though getting here felt foggy and random. Like waking up from a sugar-crash nap in a different room than where they started their candy binge, Leslie would say.

//  
3 years old

He doesn’t know if it’s actual memories or that the stories he’s been told and the unfortunate photographic evidence that have formed a picture in his mind, but he knows he and Leslie became best friends around the same time they started taking baths together.

They were three, for the record.

Whenever his parents had to work late, Ben would sleep over at Leslie’s. Her bedtime was always earlier than his, but having no siblings gave her house the advantage of allowing them sole possession of the toys. On rare occasion, Leslie’s parents would be gone for the weekend and they would take their flashlights and all the pillows and blankets they could find to build a fort in his room- creating and destroying space ships using Legos or acting out their favorite scenes from a movie they’d just watched. They’d fall asleep among whispers and giggles, Ben peeking down from his bed to peer at Leslie in her sleeping bag on the floor.

He doesn’t remember a lot from those days, but seemingly unimportant moments stick out as the happiest. Finally staying awake long enough to see the new year when they’re eight. Getting their longest rally ever in wall-ball at recess in the fifth grade. Dragging their pillow cases full of candy along the sidewalk one Halloween (he can’t remember what age they were anymore) because they were too heavy to carry. The waffles Leslie’s dad makes whenever he comes for dinner Saturday night. Decorating way too many sugar cookies at his house every Christmas season.

He remembers that they fight- kind of a lot. But not what their fights are about, because it’s never important.

What is important is that they make up. If he can get her to start making fun of him again, then he knows he’s back in her good graces. (Which really isn’t that hard- telling her about how he spent his Sunday night doing the extra credit math assignment usually works right away.) If she can poke her finger into his side after she sits next to him on the bus ride home, he’ll start laughing and smiling at her enough that all will be forgotten. (Which, again, isn’t that hard- she’s really good at going right for his most ticklish spot.)

And she’ll smile back. That- her smile framed by two messy pigtails, topped with sparkling blue eyes- is what he probably remembers the most.

//  
10 years old

Of course, the important moments he remembers, too.

Just after Ben turns ten, everything changes and he spends Christmas that year without his dad for the first time. He thinks it might be better this way, less yelling behind closed doors and quiet tension at dinner. Still, he can’t help but wonder why they can’t be the type of family to have a pleasant Christmas and have their dad there.

After he finishes dessert with his family, he walks three houses over to play the longest round of Monopoly of his life. He doesn’t win, not by a long shot. But they let him be the banker- and seeing Leslie’s face light up when she wins, her dad high-fiving both of them, are the parts he tries to remember the most.

It’s a memory he holds onto every Christmas thereafter- Christmases when he may or may not see his dad, but Leslie will never have the option of seeing hers.

A few months after Leslie’s tenth birthday, everything changes in all the wrong ways again. It’s been a week since the funeral and Ben hasn’t seen or heard from her. And he doesn’t know what to do. He thinks if it were the other way around Leslie would probably call him or more likely show up at his house with a dozen cookies and five activities planned.

But it’s not the other way around, and even at ten years old he wishes there was a way he could take this all away from her. That probably means he should call her, right? He’s thinking over possible conversation starters when he spots two, still white tennis shoes hanging from the treehouse in his backyard.

He climbs up silently- he never did figure out the best way to break the ice. He can’t remember ever going this long not speaking to her (even when he was grounded for two weeks one summer she still left notes taped to the outside of his bedroom window).

They sit in silence for a while. It is early spring, but still cold enough to not be comfortable in the thin jackets they’re both wearing. But Leslie hasn’t even look up from where she’s staring at her hands, her hair untucking from her ear guarding her expression, so he’s not about to complain about the temperature. It sort of feels like he forgot to prepare a speech he was supposed to present at school- an expectance in the air he wasn’t prepared for.

“Remember when we had that lemonade stand?”

She still doesn’t say anything, but he can feel her head nod through the movement of her shoulder pressed against his.

“No one stopped to buy any for so long. I wanted to give up, but you made me wait a little longer. Then, like 15 minutes later your dad showed up with everyone from work.”

“And we got to buy candy every day for the rest of the summer with the money.”

“Yeah,” he says on a sigh.

She leans her head on his shoulder. It’s then that he can see the wetness of her lashes, the trails of tears on her cheeks. He moves his arm back tentatively, just to get more comfortable, but all at once she’s wrapping her arms around his neck and his arms are reciprocating without a thought.

“What am I going to do now?” she whispers into his neck, sounding sadder than he’s ever heard someone sound in real life, and infinitely sadder than he’s ever heard Leslie.

He doesn’t say anything, just keeps hugging her for long minutes as she sniffles in his ear. But for the first time he can remember, he doesn’t end the hug before she wants it to.

//  
11 years old

“No way.”

“Yes way!”

“You’re telling me that Luke, my friend...”

“Our friend.”

“…our friend kissed Jessica Wells? No way.”

They’re sitting in the old treehouse in his backyard, feet dangling over the edge to make it seem more grown-up, like it’s okay that they’re hanging out somewhere they’d otherwise categorize as a place ‘for kids’ because they’re doing something daring in the process. Ben takes a sip of Coke from the can before he leans back on the heels of his hands.

Leslie turns her head over her shoulder, but stays sitting upright when she asks, “Why is that so hard to believe?”

“I don’t know. Luke and… Jessica. She just doesn’t act like she likes him that much.”

“Yeah, well. She doesn’t act like she likes anyone that much. And she’s still friends with everyone. And every guy likes her.”

“I don’t like her.” He blurts out the words as soon as they form in his head and doesn’t know why he feels slightly embarrassed for saying them. Thankfully, Leslie doesn’t respond.

The sun is low in the sky, crickets chirping to fill the silence as they both pause to think. It’s the middle of summer and the combination of the long day and little supervision makes these moments feel more real than others. Like something that would happen in one of the movies Leslie likes to watch- where big, significant moments seem to happen all the time, even for kids their age.

“Have you done it yet?” Leslie asks randomly. She’s leaned back on her hands now, looking him right in the eye, and the way she’s not even slightly shy talking about this makes him blush a little.

“What? Kiss someone?”

“Yeah.”

“No,” he looks down at their legs, side by side, rising and falling slightly to the rhythm of their swaying feet. “Have you?”

“Not yet.”

She narrows her eyes at him then. Uh-oh.

“What are you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

Oh, she’s definitely thinking something. You don’t have a best friend for eight years and not know their thinking face, Ben Wyatt doesn’t anyway. He waits it out though, because he also knows there’s no way she’s keeping whatever thought she has to herself.

“What if we practiced?”

“Practiced what?”

“Kissing, Ben! What have we been talking about here?”

“Right, sorry,” wait does that mean... “Practice how?”

“You know,” she looks down and away, but stares right back at him when she says “with each other.”

He can feel his eyes going wide.

“It won’t be like that though!” she says in a higher octave than before. She’s interpreting his shock to mean he doesn’t like the idea. Does he like the idea?

“I just think that, I mean what if I want to kiss someone, or they want to kiss me, and I don’t know how to do it? Or I do it badly. I hate being bad at stuff, you know that!”

Ben still sits silently, but he can feel the corner of his mouth curl up involuntarily. It’s hard not to smile when she starts rambling like this.

“And anyway, it’s not like it will be real. Or whatever. It doesn’t matter, we don’t have to. I just thought...” she sighs, takes a breath finally, “I thought that... I just want to know what it’s like.”

He sits up straight then and she follows him. He’s never thought of Leslie in that way before, like a girl. Okay yes she’s a girl, but not a girl girl, one that he would potentially kiss. She’s just Leslie- a constant. But maybe that’s why this is a good idea. And she makes a good point- he’s not exactly smooth when it comes to this kind of stuff and he likes to be prepared as much as she does.

“It’s fine. We don’t have to. Let’s go get another pop or something..”

“No let’s do it.” Wait, what- did he just say that?

“Wait, what?”

“Let’s do it. Practice, I mean.”

“Okay,” she says a little nervously.

They turn toward each other then, eyes flashing around all parts of their faces. He’s trying to figure out the best way to do this, where should he put his hands? Does that even matter? He’s just had the thought that it’s actually a good thing they’re practicing because he has no idea what he’s doing when Leslie huffs out a sigh impatiently, grabs both sides of his face and presses her lips to his.

And then it’s over before he even realizes. She’s turned away from him again, hands back in her lap while he’s stuck in the same position.

“Okay, good! Now I can make some notes on how to improve when it happens for real.”

She’s nudging him to go down the ladder, and he realizes belatedly that he’s still staring at her ear, which is a little redder than it was before, he can’t help noticing.

“Yeah, okay. Um,” he’s trying to climb down the tiny rungs but his muscles keep wobbling for some reason. “Let’s go get a pop now?”

“Yes. And maybe an ice cream sandwich.”

Once they’re both on the ground again he feels a little bit like he just jumped off a swing, his mind is motion while his body is still. He shouts “race you!”, and takes off running to the back door to make his muscles feel right again.

He knows Leslie won’t count it as her first kiss, probably won’t even remember it or tell it to her friends as a significant moment.

Still, he can’t help but think as they slap the edge of the house with their palms when they finish running, that this is the moment he’ll remember.

//  
14 years old

He’s used to the question by now. Even though Leslie has a boyfriend, has had a boyfriend for about a month actually, people still ask. Is she your girlfriend? Do you like Leslie? I know you like her as a friend, but what about more than that? And he’s used to answering them too: no, yes, no. His grandma even asks him that Thanksgiving, in the sweet, polite way that only grandmas can when asking too personal questions.

They’re splitting the bill at JJ’s one Wednesday night during Christmas break (a week after Leslie’s boyfriend invited her to a picnic with his new girlfriend) when Todd comes up to their table. He’s decidedly not talking to Ben, which, whatever. He gets it- Leslie’s fun and outgoing. She has blonde hair and her smile is so beautiful it’s hard to look at or remember anything else when she’s showing it.

Okay, he’s getting off track. The point is- he knows why guys want to talk to her, he sees what they see from a purely objective stand point.

There’s a part of him that feels a sense of superiority, though. Like, sure this guy noticed Leslie in Language Arts class, but Ben has been noticing her for 11 years. Not noticing, but… appreciating? Whatever it is, he’s her best friend so he has the authority on how great she is- is the point. And just because he doesn’t pull away quite as quickly when they hug as he used to when they were younger, doesn’t mean anything. She’s just warm, usually, and smells good always, like shampoo with hints of sugar. And the only reason he feels bad after Leslie denies they’re dating is because she says “we used to take baths together when we were like three!”, and he’s embarrassed. Not for any other reason.

Besides, there’s a new girl in his homeroom, a brunette that’s almost taller than him, who keeps looking at him and then whispering to the girl in front of her. Which either means he’s the worst or she likes him (or something else entirely, he’s still kind of bad at this).

//  
16 years old

It’s early April when Ben realizes he hasn’t had a girlfriend since last summer. He honestly wouldn’t have noticed, but another school dance is coming up and most of his friends already have dates. He’d probably just hang out in his room, but then his mom asks him “what about taking Leslie?” and he can’t stop thinking about it.

She hasn’t had a boyfriend in a while either, now that he thinks about it- which makes sense because they’ve mostly been hanging out with each other. They’ve kind of developed a routine- Friday at JJ’s and they switch off who picks the movie to watch at her house.

It’s during one of those movies that he finally gets the courage to ask her. It didn’t seem like a big deal at first, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a… something.

Plus, he thinks about her more now. Probably more than he should. Sometimes he wonders what would have happened if that time they kissed when they were eleven really did count as their first kiss. Would they be boyfriend and girlfriend now? Would they have broken up and not even be friends anymore? He wants to know what it would be like to kiss her when it counts.

“So, you’re not going to the Spring Formal right?”

“I don’t know. No one’s asked me yet. I might just volunteer at Ramset Park that night instead.”

“Yeah, cool.” He is totally blowing this already somehow. “Or you know…”

“I know what?” Her eyes are still focused on the TV, but she turns her shoulder towards him a little.

“We could…” she’s staring right at him now, in that intense way she does when she’s curious “go together?”

Her eyes narrow- then widen a little before she smiles.

“Okay, yeah. Let’s go.”

Ben drives his car over to Leslie’s house, even though it’s only three houses over, because his mom told him not to make her walk in her heels more than she has to. When he’s knocking on the door he feels like he’s about to pass out. He’s knocked on this door more times than he count, but this whole night feels like a precipice.

Leslie’s mom takes pictures of them before they leave- the staged, traditional ones and candid ones like when he shakily puts the corsage on Leslie’s wrist. The roses match her dress, but he hopes his cheeks aren’t as deeply red.

It may seem like a normal Friday night to her (besides the obvious formal wear difference), but he hopes the little things will make Leslie realize that he wants it to be more. He pays for her dinner, he tries to open her door for her (she beats him to it), and he stays with her on the dance floor when a slow song comes on.

He’s pulled her close, but not too close that he can’t stop staring at her. The way her hair's pulled back and the slight blush on her cheeks from dancing make him feel warm. She’s trying to find the best place to put her arms (around his neck isn’t working because he’s too tall) and finally settles on placing her open palm against his chest. His heart might break out of his chest.

Ben doesn’t think about it this time when he leans it. They’ve been staring at each other long enough to make him feel like he needs to do something and short enough for her to be able to hold her breath. When his lips touch hers, he feels her exhale against his cheek. It’s then that he definitively realizes what more he’s been wanting this whole time.

They stare at each other when it ends.

Until Ben says, “I just wanted to know what it was like.”

And she kisses him back.


End file.
